


A Tale of Two Itchy Bois ft. Jason Todd and Damian Wayne

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [7]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily Feels, Chicken Pox, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Multi, Sickfic, batfamily, dick is a snuggle-ho, jason is on to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 17:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14218041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Oatmeal baths! Calamine lotion! Bed sharing and Itchy bois! This can only mean one thing.Jason has chicken pox, and if that wasn’t but bad enough, he passes it on to Damian. Dick gets called out, and Bruce takes on the mantle of Dad.Tim is alone, but he makes do with his phone and his oversexed imagination.





	A Tale of Two Itchy Bois ft. Jason Todd and Damian Wayne

There was something truly wrong in the universe when it decided that Jason Todd should fall sick, and that Timothy Drake should be spared. Worse still, was that illness in question would be none other than that most basic bitch of diseases - Chicken Pox.

“Hee hee.”

Confined to his bed, Jason glared at Tim, who was standing by the doorway wearing a hazmat suit and giggling like a prepubescent girl. “When I’m better, I’m going to pound you into the ground,” Jason vowed, weakly shaking his fist at Tim.

As if Jason’s suffering was not enough, Damian and Dick popped over. “Poor Little Wing!” Dick crooned, rushing up to Jason and spooning him.

“Eck! Dick, you moron, get away! I could infect you!”

“I’ve already had the chicken pox, Jay,” Dick said, spooning him harder. “Besides, I’ve gotta take care of you! I’m going to draw you an oatmeal bath!”

Jason groaned and flopped back into his pillows. Nothing could be worse than Dickwing giving him a bath.

“Pathetic, Todd!”

He spoke too soon.

“How weak are you to succumb to such a disgusting illness?” Damian taunted him, prodding one of Jason’s pox marks.

“Lay off, you brat,” Jason growled, “everyone gets chicken pox at least once in their lives.”

“Not I,” Damian huffed, “my constitution can beat back any virus!”

Dick rushed out of the bathroom. “Dami, you never had chicken pox!?” He screeched.

“Of course not, I am...oh,” Damian realized in belated horror.

“Oh no,” Jason groaned.

“I need more oatmeal,” Dick cried, and rushed out, leaving Jason and Damian staring at each other in pindrop silence.

From the doorway, the sound of Tim’s muted, wheezing, giggles would haunt them in the days to come.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“This is demeaning! Grayson, let me out immediately!”

“No can do, Little D,” Dick said, as he ladled more oatmeal over Damian’s tiny body in the tub. “Oatmeal baths are one of the best ways to soothe the itchy scabs.”

“I concede to your superior mothering,” Damian admitted, “but do I have to bathe with Todd!?” He cried, pointing an accusing, oatmealy, finger at Jason, who was hunkered down at the other end of the tub.

“I’m not enjoying this experience either, you wheatgerm,” Jason grumbled, ladling the murky water over himself. “Just...think of it like a jacuzzi.”

“Hee hee.”

“Shut up, Replacement!”

“All done,” Dick sang, and helped Damian out of the tub and began to hose him down. “Your turn, Jay,” he said, reaching out for Jason.

“Stop touching, oh my god,” Jason cried, and struggled out of the tub by himself. Having hosed himself off, Jason stood shivering in the bathroom. “Okay, I’m out. Yeet.”

Dick grabbed Jason and maneuvered him onto the bed. “We need to put the calamine lotion on you,” he said, holding up the unassuming beige bottle that was filled with beige colored evil juice. Dick proceeded to lather up his hands and rub Damian’s indignant little body all over with the creamy, calamine goodness.

“You’re not getting your lotioned-up hands on me, Dick,” Jason warned. “I refuse to be a part of your soft core chicken pox porn.”

“But you won’t be able to reach the scabs in the back,” Dick worried.

“Then I’ll suffer.”

“You’ll be all itchy!”

“It’s better than death.”

“But you-“

“Jason.”

Everyone turned to see Bruce looming by the door. “Dick won’t apply the lotion for you,” he assured. Jason smiled, as did Damian, who was glad that he could monopolize Dick’s attention.

“Cool,” Jason said. “Give me the bottle, and I’ll-“

Bruce advanced with the bottle in hand, but did not give it to Jason. “Turn around, son.”

Jason recoiled. “Bruce you perv! Get away from me!”

“I’m not a perv, I’m your father,” Bruce said, sounding hurt. “Now let me put the lotion on your back.”

It took several minutes and a headlock, but Jason was soon sitting with his back to Bruce and sporting a blush the colour of which was more commonly found on an overripe tomato. “I can’t believe that this is happening to me,” Jason groaned. “My dad is lotioning up my back. Oh my god, kill me now.”

“But then this will be your last memory,” Damian said from where he was being subjected to a similar treatment, but by Dick’s loving and considerably softer hands.

“Ugh. Bruce, I can feel all the blisters on your stupid hands! Don’t you ever moisturize?” Jason asked.

“The Batman doesn’t need moisturizer, only justice,” Bruce said. “Do you have any scabs on your rear?”

“Don’t fucking talk about my rear!”

“But you need to get the crevices, Little wing!“

“AAGH!”

“Hee hee.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Oatmeal baths are one thing,” Damian grumbled, “but why do I have to share a bed with Todd!?”

“It’s easier to see to the both of you at once,” Dick replied. “Try to rest, Dami, you’re still feverish.”

“How can I rest, when Todd’s hairy arms encircle me as we sleep and cause me to itch even more? Grayson, give me some pillows so that I can erect a barrier between myself and this hairy beast!”

“You can’t stand my masculinity,” Jason sniffed haughtily.

“I shall grow to be a man far more formidable than you, Todd!” Damian declared. “I shall grow to be as tall and muscular as Father, but hairless as Grayson because hairy arms are disgusting.”

Bruce glowed at the praise, but privately thought that Damian would take more after his more slender-boned mother. Several years later, he would be proven correct while making alterations to the Batsuit. Slender boned and hairless, Damian somehow managed to take after Dick despite being the child of Bruce “tall, hairy, and magnum” Wayne.

“I shall- shall-“ Damian paused, and a traitorous yawn slipped passed his lips.

“You shall what?” Jason asked mockingly. “Yawn at me?”

“Si-silence...peasant,” Damian murmured. Quick as a Flash, Dick placed a damp cloth on Daman’s forehead, and started to hum a tuneless lullaby to which Damian miraculously drifted asleep in his arms, snuggling like an angry teddy bear.

“You were waiting for him to drop off, weren’t you?” Jason grinned, and Dick smiled shyly. “Cuddleslut.” Jason blinked slowly and smiled dopily. “Snugglebug. Emotion-ho. Senti...sentiment-“ Jason’s creative spiel of insults came to a halt as he yawned widely. “Damn.”

Dick looked upset, being too far away to cuddle another sleepy brother. “Stay away from me, Dickface,” Jason mumbled. “I can sleep just fine on my own.”

Dick grinned evilly. “Of course you can, Jay.”

Jason felt himself losing the battle to sleep, and to his horror, felt a pair of strong, loving, arms envelop him. For one moment, Jason thought that Dick had learnt to astrally project his hugs to maximize his love dispersion. Then, he realized that the arms around him were quite a bit hairer than Dick’s waxed ones. Which could only mean...

“Bruce,” Jason cursed sleepily.

“Go to sleep, lad,” Bruce hummed, cradling Jason to his chest. “I’ll take care of you.”

“What...whatever,” Jason mumbled, and drifted off to sleep bitterly.

Across the bed, Dick smiled at Bruce while cradling Damian to his chest. Bruce smiled back and pressed a light kiss to Jason’s hair and watched him squirm unhappily in his sleep.

In the doorway, Tim hugged himself in the sterile confines of his hazmat suit and pretended that it was Kon’s strong, hot, sweaty, arms around his tiny, writhing, body. He then sexted the same thought to Kon.

In Kansas, Kon was texting a sexy hug emoji to Tim while Clark was clucking disapprovingly like an old, harried, hen who could only ever did it missionary style.

Back in Gotham, Cassandra was hugging Stephanie and contemplating what excellent flesh balls boobs were snuggle with.

Everyone had a snuggle, and for once, all was quiet on the Gotham front.


End file.
